SunshiNe LoVe

It's a blue, blue sky. And the sun's not just shining, it's reflecting off window panes from the homes around me so gloriously, that i can see the sunlight in angles and places it wouldn't ordinarily be. And the sunshine is like Love.

Here is one ray ... heading north. And it gets there. Yet a Ray of Light is so amazing that it also can break into many parts and never lose it's radiance. And so it is with that one ray. As it travels, it also hits a window pane and that sliver of light starts to tangent off eastwards. Or westwards. Or south even.

I want to be like the sunshine. Quietly there constantly. Showing up everyday. And like the sunshine, i want to be able to go off on as many tangents as possible without losing my brilliance, and without losing my original purpose.  And all the while ... also content that there are days when i don't reflect off window panes, and some days when i can just barely pass through the clouds. Yet the sun always does come through .. a silver lining, a single ray .. or just a patch of light. It reminds us all that it IS still there. It is enough.

There is so much pressure in this modern world to be a STaR. And i think that desire is very valid. It is truly an inner compulsion born of our souls ... we are here to SHiNe. Yet as i gaze at the sunshine, i realise how so few understand the true meaning of 'ShiNe'. I think we have confused the sun with neon lights on billboards. Just because we can see a neon light shining 24-7-365 at our beck and call, mankind has somehow shifted to thinking that the lightbulb is a better, constant source of light. A lightbulb is dependant on electricity ... as are human stars dependant on the applause and worship of others to energise them. No .. let me be like the sun.

The sun needs not a single applause from others. It's joy comes from the flowers, that in good time with it's consistent daily kisses, bloom .. fed full on the purity of sunlight. It's joy comes from knowing that it does such a good job of being a solid background presence, that many hardly even notice it consciously as the reason for their ability to move about in the day with such ease and clarity. And though they feel that the sun has indeed left, it is actually always there. It just respectfully slips out of sight so the ones in its care can have their own private space, and rest in that space for the night. 

Outside there is a blue, blue sky. And the sun is not just shining, it's reflecting off window panes from the homes around me so gloriously, that i can see the sunlight in angles and places it wouldn't ordinarily be. And the sunshine is like Love. I am certain now .. that is the kind of Love i want to be. That is how i want to SHiNe .. into eternity.

Truth .. is a Nightingale

I love chancing upon the truth. It rarely comes after careful study, or long pondering. No.

The truth is a lot like this little bird everyone knows exists, but only few claim to have seen.
A lot like the story of The Nightingale by Hans Christian Andersen. By the time they found it, the legend had outgrown the actual sight of the little humble bird. It was almost disappointing to see the dull brown creature. So plain, so simple. Nothing at all like all the fables spun about it. The poor nightingale was of course innocent of any misrepresentation of itself. And in actual fact, it was quite magnificent and was every bit the magical voice it was meant to be. The fault lay in all the expectations built around it ... and in the fact that people had framed an idea of what it was and should be long before they had actually met it.

And so it is with truth. I suppose this is why many cannot recognise it when it appears ... they are looking for something they have already decided will and should look, sound or feel this way or that. And all the while, it is standing there ... out in the open, completely baffled at all the people who it is equally seeking ... passing it by.

The truth ... is perhaps then, best received without any preconceived idea of what it should be. Instead, when one goes looking for the truth, it is useful to carry no expectations .. and a very open heart ~

The Best Mom .. is Being ME

"Not just anyone can have children. It's not a simple task. It takes a lot from a person ~ Life Coach"

✿ many people have children ... but i would say it's not easy to raise a FAMILY ... people think families are automatic ...but they aren't. real parents raise adults, not kids ... they raise connected siblings, and create a bond that will not break despite each member's glaring weaknesses that only such closeness as being IN a family can bring forth in painful proximity .. and it is with satisfaction as this family remains solid despite time and distance that each one can pursue their dreams ... even and especially the parents who after years of working on the tension of re-balancing physical limits against greater mental and spiritual pursuits, finally have the tension lifted and find themselves suddenly catapulted by a great universal force to continue raising great adults - this time by evolving into fantastic adults in their own right, living out the best lives and selves they were always meant to BE ~ ✿

i am thankful for my calling and my journey ... and for my children. i am pushed beyond my own physical abilities in providing them a wholesome experience as a starting point on this planet .. even as i battle many unwholesome elements that surround us all in an age of an instant, throw-away world. some of those unwholesome elements arise from within them ... and me, as we all work on the karma/experiences/choices we've come to play out in this plane of existence ✿

i am most of all thankful for my own unfolding self as each day passes ... the awareness that makes me present in the now, makes me own my space and personal power and pursue my own path and dreams without judgement .. above all, this unfolding of my true self is what truly enables me to be the better parent i always wanted to be ~ <3

being mom ... doesn't mean losing who i am ... it's an invitation to become more of ME ... just me

Today, the Past is Beautiful

I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past. ~ Virginia Woolf 

I have learnt to live fully in my present and to not dwell in my past. Not even look back for lessons ... for what good is picking on a corpse? I don't believe in love autopsies. But if I am to be affirmingly honest with myself, I have to admit that I still find myself shuttling to and fro in my weeks between the past and present.

I no longer dwell so much on the past that it cripples my present. I no longer dwell on the past hoping it was different. I just tend to look back and FEEL myself back to the present. Just watch myself as I time-travel ... to a happier time with my mother, with my father. I often find myself in tears when I do come back. I miss them and the simple life they shared with me. But I almost never look back on things like births and past birthdays and anniversaries and Christmases no matter how wonderful they were. I've never understood that. Am I torturing myself by visiting what makes me cry with longing? So far, I have been kind to myself to just allow the journeys with no judgement. I tell myself that these 'trips' into the past must never impair my todays. And as long as I decide that consciously, they don't.

And then here comes Virginia Woolf to explain it all to me so simply and so completely. Of course! It is a CIRCLE I am trying to complete. These emotions I am time-travelling to, are incomplete emotions. Incomplete stories. And they had no avenue back then to ever become complete .. because it is only the passage of time and of loss even, of some sort of physical end that could ever create the ensuing emotional closure.

The truth is I am not given to melancholy as an illness. As a truth seeker, I simply must pursue the closure, I must 'close the circle' around the significant LiFe Moments in my journey here on earth. I am looking for beauty in my life you see. And as Virginia Woolf so aptly frees me with this truth:

I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past.

Suddenly, it makes complete sense why trips into my past no longer affect my todays. Because only today, is my past beautiful ~

i carry more of my parents with me today than i ever have, and yet ... i am also far more myself than i have ever been.
this is one of life's beautiful mysteries

Young At Heart

I love the way  Barbara Johnson says:

Age sometimes has very little to with how old a person is ... The 'young ones' all have three things in common: a sense of purpose for their lives; a commitment to concentrate on what's right instead of what's wrong; and an environment full of outside interests.

Most people guess I'm far younger than my actual age ... which is just proof that AGE is a social construct. I read of China Machado over the weekend - a model at 81 years old. Granted, she was already a supermodel in her youth and has obviously aged gracefully over the years in France. Still - that she can still be lovely and signed on by IMG AS a model ... (IMG is an international global media house that has the likes of Giselle Bundchen on their portfolio!)  Proof that so much of who we are seems to be based on agreed norms of what measures our life - a ticking clock and calendars. Years in our life rather than life in our years.

I remember looking far older than I do now in my actual youth. I had so much emotional baggage and limitations in my mind. I lived either in the past or the future. I did not have life in my years and THAT was what truly aged me. My soul was trapped and it showed. A decade later, people guess me to be a decade younger than my age on paper ... probably because today, i refuse to live anywhere but in the NOW-ness of my life. I have only ONE job now.  And that is to remove any and all barriers in my path to LoVe, as and when they appear. It's a good job ... it well sustains me living optimally as a good job must do!

The more i Live from my Heart ... the more my age seems becomes a mere social construct, an accepted norm rather than a true reflection of my inner and outer landscape ... my Lifescape.

For the more i Live from my Heart .. the more i am driven by play and love in experiencing this life ... and as both play and love are full of timelessness, so too becomes my 'age' ... as it transforms into a true measured reflection of my universal essence of being .. infinitely unmeasurable ~  ✿

Let's always stay young at heart ..... life is to be savoured and LiVed! (gorgeous image from the www)

I've Never Been to Me ...

i walk barefoot a lot ...
so this is a tribute to my feet
≈✿≈

they've walked a thousand miles without complaint
and somehow get the most ignored
no more, no more ... taken for granted
from now ... the least shall be first

i am going to love and honour
with undivided passion
the parts of my life that have been
and remain
my own best friend ~

Let Your Dreams Go ~

is there a dream in you .. silent and unspoken?
or waiting to find winGs?
go to a meadow
imagined or real ...and pick a dandylion ~~

when you blow that dandyLion,
all your wisHes and dreams travel with those wisps and get grounded
.. and grow, along with that seed ..

It's magic of IN(side) (at)TENTION come aLiVe in the simplest, most innocent gestures
♥ ƸӜƷ ♥

your dreAms are more preciOus than gOLd
own and honouR them
Let your DreAms GO ~~~

this isn't just for those who have a dream .. but i honour those of you who have already followed a dream, and also those of you who held my hand before i jumped off the cliff to follow mine ... ♥
~~ you are LoVe's Children who folloW the poWer of dReams ~

Art - the Liquid Lover

Art is a lot like water.
It takes the shape of the container it fills up.

If you're a musical cup, then the water tastes of rhythm and beat.
If you're a painter cup, then the water becomes quite colourful.
If you're a writing cup, then the water is all made up of words.

But what makes the water tasty?
It's when there's a whole lot of heart in it. Passion. Flow.

Art happens when the heart knocks ...and we lovingly allow ourselves to become the containers that holds the water the Universe is pouring through.

I once had a dream. Art was a masculine force, and it came to me and became my Lover. And from that passionate embrace, Art poured into me seeds of life ... and from those seeds grew the seed of a child within me ... and I birthed it many moons later. And it was my Intuitive Art.

This is how I knew with all certainty - that I must continue to bring forth many more children. For that passionate embrace with Art, my Liquid Lover is so powerful, so satisfying ... I cannot help but crave for more. And with each growing conception, it is a delight and a rush as the energies compel me into a frenzy .. much like that of bringing forth a real physical child into the world. Losing sleep, losing sense of time and place and being completely focused on that birthing ... and never feeling the exhaustion after, but only sheer joy and exhilaration of having brought something new into this world ... this is the reward of the Artist Heart ~

My visual art is shared on heartistry.blogspot.com

Here's a beautiful video i found on YouTube .. that illustrates well the pull of Art to the Artist (^v^)

Meltdowns

let me cry .. for juSt this moment. holding my tears only deNies the tRuth .. doing a disserviCe to both you and me. see how it's raining in the sunsHine? it maKes a rainbow ~

Meltdowns can be a  blessing. It's when i will dare to walk outside even if it's raining ... because i just can't stand being inside anymore .. not even for another minute. For as Anais Nin says,
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

So i need to bless even my meltdowns because sometimes, meltdowns are the only things that keep me safe from losing who i truly am .. and keep me on the path of being all i am meant to be.

For when i am sad, i am allowing space for the authentic feelings of my heart ... for sadness and unhappiness are not the same. Unhappiness is more a message of discontent and a signal that our actionable choices require re-alignment to what we truly desire. Sadness however, is more a cry of the soul - a welling up of tears from within ... of unspoken words and feelings arising from the heart. Words and Feelings that NEED space to exist because they are a part of the human heart's journey we call Life. Sadness is a human marker - that it is time to gain affirmation, reach out and receive, and perhaps ... even to initiate self-loving healing. And there is no shame or vibe-dilution to give space and embrace the totality of who we are - BOTH rain and shine. For to allow the soul to feel all shades of life is honouring this journey of physicaL BE-ing ~ ❤

The Weakness of Compassion ...

There was a time when i had too much Compassion... only I didn't realise it wasn't compassion, but weakness.

So many times i would say too much because i feel to much..i see what others can't and want too much to see them avoid pain. How utterly selfish i have been. In my pursuit to ensure their happiness, I was only seeking mine. For there is a great difference between playing one's role and just getting in the way of the Universe.

An acorn must die to grow an oak.. and a butterfly must push through the cocoon to be born balanced. I dishonour another soul and the Universe by thinking that I need to 'help' them along. I am only judging them to be incapable, and the circumstances surrounding them to be negative.

True Compassion is loving beyond notions of right and wrong. It is accepting that every heart has it's own compass and that Love is over all. And this is true strength..  for it takes trust, and faith and hope.. and a LoVe that is greater than Fear.

If i am ever needed, i will be asked .. and i will be there in a heartbeat ready to give my best in that moment. Until then, true Compassion is loving without judgement. I will never think that you are not free and that you need to be better. I only know to neither stand in your way, nor my own. And not standing in my own way, i will be more than ready and able.. should you ever call my name.

Then everything..everything becomes as it should be..and life becomes The Dance ~~ ♥ CT

The 4 Agreement's by Miguel Ruiz

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."

Liquid Love

I cannot tell you openly how much i love you.
You'll drown.

For my love is an ocean and you ..  are not a good swimmer yet. Which is why you come sailing in my waters safely detached in a boat .. and then go away again back to your shore. And though i understand your heart ... i miss you.

I cannot show you openly  how much i love you.
It will be a wave that crashes down on you .. and sweeps you away. So i stay silent .. loving you in secret.

Instead like rain...
I will sneak up on you from the oceans as a cloud .. and descend in measured droplets..
I will drench you, enveloping you in the fullness of my love ... for we both know rain isn't permanent ... and that makes you feel safe.

Then we will dance for a while.. in utter joy. And I will flow back to whence i came from... sated and complete.

For ours ..  is a Liquid Love. 
Like water, it changes shape and form .. but always remains in its true essence.. a love nonetheless.

i am an ocean of love..and like an ocean, i am here to stay ... always changing, always the same ..
take strength from knowing ...  i know you love me too ~

Holding Little Hearts

A sowing of pure seeds in God's earth, and then no income! Impossible.
~ Rumi ✿ ✿

it's easy to think that being home with our children
is about their physical safety and needs..
but it's actually about being available
to catch the opportunities to pass on a sense of family and life values..
things that will hold them
long after their wings are too big for them to stay in our arms ~

✿ ✿
Love TODAY..
makes beautiful tomorrows.

Never Forget...

"Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives" ~ Louise L. Hay

We need to tell little girls this ALL the time..and women need to remind it to each other when we DO go through difficult times and our candle is flickering. And it's always women who have children who need to hear this the most..or else they pass their 'forgetfulness' on to their children, while they are so intensely loving them. 

My mother, a devoted mom, got so frustrated with me one day that she said "Your kids are just gonna grow up and break your heart. They won't even remember what you did so much for them. You need to take care of yourself!" I was shocked and offended..this coming from my mom whom i had always shown care to and who had always cared so well for us. I thought she didn't understand me..then. I thought maybe she hadn't seen how much i loved her..was she implying i had broken her heart? 

But i realised one day, thankfully before she crossed over, that she was actually telling me to LIVE MY LIFE. Not just care for my parents, not just live my children's lives and not just support my husband's dream.. just because I had a big giving heart. She was reminding me of my one major flaw ..that i tend to forget how amazing I am. She just wasn't always good at finding the right words although her heart was always with the right thoughts. And it was when she saw me finally get it, when i finally remembered and started living my own dream..that she left. 

I look around and see that now more than ever in my life, I have amazing women who do have the right words to keep reminding me and loving me..and sometimes my mom reminds me..in the gentle passing of a breeze. I am grateful each day for it. It makes me really powerful and beautiful. 

And i tell it to my little girls everyday..i remind them that they are amazing and need to care for themselves well to keep being able to give their best to the world around them. And i do that best, by doing it for myself first of all  ~

Past Imperfect

“I want to move on, but I cannot forget. Why can’t I let go of the past?”

It’s easy living in a modern world where everything is so instant, where there’s a solution being chased down for every issue..where imperfections are highlighted to feed mass consumerism..it’s easy to forget...that all around us...is various stages of decay.

Take a good look around. Trees with some dead leaves and some new ones, side by side. Same tree. A grandma with wrinkled hands taking her grandkid for a walk. The young and the old, side by side. One is just starting out life, the other is almost ending it. Somewhere lies a dead bird, being taken apart by a host of ants. It probably flew a thousand miles in its lifetime. Elsewhere is a broken egg. That bird didn’t quite even make it into this world.

I can’t forget my past because...maybe I’m not meant to. Maybe like a tree, I’m a bit of the old and new, side by side. I’m a bit decay and a bit fresh life..all rolled into one. And that’s OKAY. It means like that tree and most of nature, i’m ALIVE. The advertising based on fears of imperfection perpetuated by an economic society intent on making a living through 5 million products I don’t actually need..is what i really need to forget. Because if i take a good look around me, in nature, are a million things that are hanging on to some form of the past.

And one fine day, just like you sometimes suddenly notice a tree that’s all fresh green leaves, you wake up and you’re not sad anymore..with no real clue as to what you were so depressed about. Or that struggle you’ve had for months..isn’t a struggle anymore. It all makes perfect sense in a flash of insight. And just like that, the past is gone..or more accurately, the past becomes irrelevant.

And that’s the real key..RELEVANCE. I think hanging onto the past consciously is a pursuit to find meaning. Somewhere inside me, I can let go of the actual events of the past..in fact, I have because it’s all over. What i really can’t let go of is the fact that i can’t understand the past..yet. The best way to move on from the past, is to accept it’s there..and to let go of trying to fathom it. Except..I feel like an idiot for not being able to solve the equation because i spent so many years in school being told i must know how to provide an answer.

NO. You don’t. This is LIFE. It’s not school and no one is grading you.. anymore. And if you feel you are being graded, then it’s time to either finally leave school..or take good walk outside in nature and realise you are part of a greater system than society.

We’re all a part of the natural world. And the last time i checked, nature has a lot of transitions going on.

Life is like...Eating Chocolates

"The road to a woman's heart is long, paved with shortcuts of chocolate" ~ Anon

It's amazing how some research says chocolates are bad for you and then other research says it's okay after all. It reminds me of Life..with 6 billion people, there are bound to be a variety of opinions. And it's really up to ME to decide..what works for me.

I think when I was 5..i didn't know one way or another and just enjoyed a chocolate when i got a chance to eat one. And there was the key..the adults never handed me a whole box. So maybe the problem isn't chocolates after all..but more that I seem to have access now as an adult to unlimited amounts of it as i please.

The odd thing is..i don't enjoy eating a whole box of chocolates alone. It never seems to taste as good as when i SHARE it around..and sometimes, even share that ONE chocolate around if each one is a different flavour. I love being in a conversation revolving around a box of chocolates.. everyone tends to become so passionate and so involved..and nobody's ever wrong or right. Everyone's just happy they got an exquisite bite.

Yes..the shortcut to my heart may be chocolates..but only when you're going to be around to share them with me. That's their REAL charm to me.. it's something we BOTH LoVE

Sight

The OWL represents wisdom..
and symbolizes the acute vision, to see in others,
and in situations that most of us do not see
❤¸.•*""*•.¸❤ ❤¸.•*""*•.¸❤ ❤¸.•*""*•.¸❤ ❤¸.•*""*•.¸❤

In the east..the Owl is seen as a sign of bad luck or bad omens. Living in Asia, I have seen owls from young..beautiful white ones in the still of the night..but i never felt afraid..their beauty sang to my soul. What joy to discover that in another part of the world..it is a totem animal of wisdom.

In my life..i have been blessed by globalisation..by meeting people from all over the world and receiving the Gift of Acceptance. Where once as a child much of what i felt and 'saw' with the eyes of my heart did not 'fit in' with the culture or society around me, and caused me to be much of a misfit in a thousand painful ways..as an adult..and especially through my real and virtual travels..i have come to see that i merely saw what was 'normal' in far away places and to far way people. I had acute vision to see what was FAR BEYOND..and while for many years that seemed almost a curse..when i SEE something different now..i know i am merely seeing something from another time and place..and that's okay, even if i'm the only one who can see it.
I am now FREE to revel in just being.. ME.


Keep the Faith..and the fLame in your heart burning.
In time..and holding on to LOVE...
you find that Life...really IS on your side all along
❤¸.•*""*•.¸❤ ❤¸.•*""*•.¸❤ ❤¸.•*""*•.¸❤ ❤¸.•*""*•.¸❤

A Hug for Every Heart

"Love is always the answer to healing of any sort." - Louise L.Hay

I just wanted to hug everyone today.

In the wake of all the natural disasters in the past year, one after another..there is a fresh wave of pain around me. So many beautiful people i know have been in challenging times even before these natural tragedies..in other natural 'tragedies' like a mental health diagnosis, terminal illness and accidents..leading to financial loss, loss of self esteem, loss of family via divorce or death. Now, more people have 'joined in' the ranks of loss due to these physical disasters.

We are ALL facing some challenge, in one way or another. I don't judge a 5 year old who's heartbroken over a missing teddy bear to be in less pain than a 55 year old who's lost direction through the loss of a home or a spouse. Pain is pain. I think everyone deserves a hand to hold on to and a hug today.

Whether there's been an earthquake or not.. choosing to be Loving, Accepting and to channel Abundance to ourselves and to those around us has the power to bring about HEALING..and set us all FREE ~~~

Today..I just wanted to hug everyone ♥

The Hero

"Momma, can you please put this on?"
I look at the tiny purple Barbie shoe..and the hopeful face in front of me full of unwavering faith in my abilities to save the day. The clasp doesn't fit the foot of THIS particular Barbie, and i say so. But i take it anyway..i try anyway. And i FIGURE out a way to do it. Somehow wiggling, stretching, shimming..(the barbie's foot) - i succeed.My fingers are sore and i'm stressed for no good reason but..

I receive a BIG SHINY EYED SMILE..and my 3 year old walks away on tippy-toe. A sure sign she's happy. And my sore fingers smile too. They feel so useful.

I am not saving the world today with my fingers. I am not generating economic value either.
I merely made a child feel important and happy. And she reminded me that i can do anything if i will only try with all my heart. The force of the LOVE from that moment..i believe just echoed through the Universe.

Honestly..my 3 year old thinks i'm her hero..what she doesn't realise is that she's mine.

dreaming together

i shall bring the bucket..you bring the spade and we shall build sandcastles and tuck our dreams inside.. then when the waves take the castle away..they'll bring our dreams all over the world and our dreams will spread far and wide and come true ♥

 

The Gift ... of a Memory

In the sky are stars called constellations .. and on earth they are called Friendships  ©CelyaTay

When i was 9, my dad called me to his writing table. He had a scowl on his face and asked me sternly, "Did YOU write these?" I suddenly recognised those little papers in horror ... i had been writing at his table and helping myself to his stationery a little too generously it seemed. And the evidence was now in his hand.

I had better confess, I had already been caned enough to last a lifetime, mostly for being too curious for my own good for I had an awful inability to stop experimenting with life (not fun for my parents because i kept using our home as the lab). "I'm sorry ... i thought you wouldn't mind me using those papers..." was the best i could come up with. My father's only reply was, "WHERE did you copy this from?"

Oh no... now i was in for it! I hadn't copied it from anywhere ... and told him so. "ARE YOU SURE?" he asked loudly. I was a deer staring at headlights. In the past, i would be so pressured to give him any answer so he would stop being so loud, that i would end up saying ANYTHING my immature mind could rationalise as logical and end up tripping up in what seemed outright deceit. I had enough caning from those 'lies' since i was 7 to know, when in a corner .. just stay silent or tell the truth no matter how absurd it may be. "I wrote them .. i didn't copy them from anywhere... i didn't ... "i heard myself whisper.. looking him straight in the eye. "Are you sure?" my father suddenly softened his tone. My mother was staring at me in the background. I nodded. "They're brilliant", my father said ..looking at me proudly with a sheepish smile. I hadn't realised it before, but i had been holding my breath. And now, i was beaming.

On those papers were little words i had put together on my own.. little sentences that had come from somewhere inside my heart and head. Things i felt about life and love. Looking back, I can't blame my parents for suspecting their 9-year old of plagiarising things like "There is no reason for living when there isn't a reason for loving" and "In all men lie great things like an oyster in a pearl". It's only as an adult I realised with a smile that my father, an avid reader and lover of words, probably interrogated me so he could read whatever book i was copying from !

It's years later, and I give a silent thank you that my father dramatically confronted me about those little notes. For one fine day, it resurfaced in my mind and became a precious memory that spoke to me about something i hadn't realised all along ... my calling and destiny to be a writer.

In The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, are these precious lines

"The Boy didn’t know what a person’s ‘destiny’ was… It’s what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young knows what their destiny is.”

It is truth, for i look back now at my entire life and everywhere along the way ... i have always shined as a word-smith. A writer. The words come from around me, swirling in the air .. and they beckon me to be put together .. to be placed in the physical reality of this world. They want to be more than a promise, they want to be real and speak hope ..speak love .. speak truth ... speak to build and affirm a solid home in my heart .. and gradually, a desire to build solid homes in many hearts.

I started writing this with a quote on how i view friendship as earthly constellations .. precisely the kind of words that seem to leap from the air into my head and command to be put on paper. And as i write this now, i realise that the memory of that day when i was 9 came back to me after my father had crossed over. Perhaps, he felt it was time to remind me ... his gift for me from heaven, or maybe, he's still waiting for that book ~

✿ i'm 4 ... already holding a pencil well and writing my heart out :) .. Destiny ✿