Step Out of the Way

I've had too much on my mind lately. And there's only one way out for me .. to stop being so careful and do my best each day and that's that.

Anything more is neither in my hands nor part of my healthy journey .. and many things will happen because it's part of other people's journeys.

I need to get out of other people's way .. build them up no matter what. I need to get out of my own way .. live in each moment as if there has been no past reference nor future chain of events. That's not denial for me .. but an active participation of life as it happens ~

Better HeartSight .. the Key to SouL Free

ACCEPTANCE and Self Love .. is embracing with an open mind that this is how it is .. and i cannot change it .. but how it is doesn't define me .. because EVERY THING is a two sided coin .. every single thing is a duality .. and to transcend one perspective, into another .. is the key to HEALING and FREEDOM.

The Divine never sends good or bad .. all is just as is ... a duality .. a prism of many angles. Step back far enough .. and the other perspectives come into play. Pain is the struggle of stepping back ... because it involves letting go of MY perception of what is, of my judgement of how i have been wronged ... of making friends with an ending i did not choose ... in order to finally, find that ending i do want with all my heart ~~

The Darker Shades of Me

Is it miNe .. these darker shades of me?

If they are, then there is a call to grow somehow .. beyond them. A call to locate and eradicate them from merging with my cell memories. And this is the hardest part .. for it involves Self Love : forgiving myself followed by the reLease of self judgement, regret and guilt, along with the release of a need to have a different outcome than what has transpired. 

I find .. if i allow these shadows space .. on the surface .. and give myself the freedom to FEEL all these emotions without judging them (meaning just because i feeL awful doesn't mean i am awful or my life is awful), and  instead i paint or read or listen to that which echoes and reflects my feelings .. soon, the clarity coMes .. if i hold steadfast a deSire to heaL.

If the paiN was never mine .. but passing through my way, or stems from cell memories of those before me, the cLarity comes sooner. If the the paiN is my own .. it comes a bit later after i have giVen myself the LoVe that i was looking for in others.  Yet always .. if my awareNess is that i am just the sKy and these emotions are but cLouds and guides on my soul jourNey .. i make it through .. and transmute base metal into goLd ~~~ This is the sacred heart alcheMy ~

Today, the Past is Beautiful

I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past. ~ Virginia Woolf 

I have learnt to live fully in my present and to not dwell in my past. Not even look back for lessons ... for what good is picking on a corpse? I don't believe in love autopsies. But if I am to be affirmingly honest with myself, I have to admit that I still find myself shuttling to and fro in my weeks between the past and present.

I no longer dwell so much on the past that it cripples my present. I no longer dwell on the past hoping it was different. I just tend to look back and FEEL myself back to the present. Just watch myself as I time-travel ... to a happier time with my mother, with my father. I often find myself in tears when I do come back. I miss them and the simple life they shared with me. But I almost never look back on things like births and past birthdays and anniversaries and Christmases no matter how wonderful they were. I've never understood that. Am I torturing myself by visiting what makes me cry with longing? So far, I have been kind to myself to just allow the journeys with no judgement. I tell myself that these 'trips' into the past must never impair my todays. And as long as I decide that consciously, they don't.

And then here comes Virginia Woolf to explain it all to me so simply and so completely. Of course! It is a CIRCLE I am trying to complete. These emotions I am time-travelling to, are incomplete emotions. Incomplete stories. And they had no avenue back then to ever become complete .. because it is only the passage of time and of loss even, of some sort of physical end that could ever create the ensuing emotional closure.

The truth is I am not given to melancholy as an illness. As a truth seeker, I simply must pursue the closure, I must 'close the circle' around the significant LiFe Moments in my journey here on earth. I am looking for beauty in my life you see. And as Virginia Woolf so aptly frees me with this truth:

I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past.

Suddenly, it makes complete sense why trips into my past no longer affect my todays. Because only today, is my past beautiful ~

i carry more of my parents with me today than i ever have, and yet ... i am also far more myself than i have ever been.
this is one of life's beautiful mysteries

Meltdowns

let me cry .. for juSt this moment. holding my tears only deNies the tRuth .. doing a disserviCe to both you and me. see how it's raining in the sunsHine? it maKes a rainbow ~

Meltdowns can be a  blessing. It's when i will dare to walk outside even if it's raining ... because i just can't stand being inside anymore .. not even for another minute. For as Anais Nin says,
"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

So i need to bless even my meltdowns because sometimes, meltdowns are the only things that keep me safe from losing who i truly am .. and keep me on the path of being all i am meant to be.

For when i am sad, i am allowing space for the authentic feelings of my heart ... for sadness and unhappiness are not the same. Unhappiness is more a message of discontent and a signal that our actionable choices require re-alignment to what we truly desire. Sadness however, is more a cry of the soul - a welling up of tears from within ... of unspoken words and feelings arising from the heart. Words and Feelings that NEED space to exist because they are a part of the human heart's journey we call Life. Sadness is a human marker - that it is time to gain affirmation, reach out and receive, and perhaps ... even to initiate self-loving healing. And there is no shame or vibe-dilution to give space and embrace the totality of who we are - BOTH rain and shine. For to allow the soul to feel all shades of life is honouring this journey of physicaL BE-ing ~ ❤

The Weakness of Compassion ...

There was a time when i had too much Compassion... only I didn't realise it wasn't compassion, but weakness.

So many times i would say too much because i feel to much..i see what others can't and want too much to see them avoid pain. How utterly selfish i have been. In my pursuit to ensure their happiness, I was only seeking mine. For there is a great difference between playing one's role and just getting in the way of the Universe.

An acorn must die to grow an oak.. and a butterfly must push through the cocoon to be born balanced. I dishonour another soul and the Universe by thinking that I need to 'help' them along. I am only judging them to be incapable, and the circumstances surrounding them to be negative.

True Compassion is loving beyond notions of right and wrong. It is accepting that every heart has it's own compass and that Love is over all. And this is true strength..  for it takes trust, and faith and hope.. and a LoVe that is greater than Fear.

If i am ever needed, i will be asked .. and i will be there in a heartbeat ready to give my best in that moment. Until then, true Compassion is loving without judgement. I will never think that you are not free and that you need to be better. I only know to neither stand in your way, nor my own. And not standing in my own way, i will be more than ready and able.. should you ever call my name.

Then everything..everything becomes as it should be..and life becomes The Dance ~~ ♥ CT

The 4 Agreement's by Miguel Ruiz

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."

Past Imperfect

“I want to move on, but I cannot forget. Why can’t I let go of the past?”

It’s easy living in a modern world where everything is so instant, where there’s a solution being chased down for every issue..where imperfections are highlighted to feed mass consumerism..it’s easy to forget...that all around us...is various stages of decay.

Take a good look around. Trees with some dead leaves and some new ones, side by side. Same tree. A grandma with wrinkled hands taking her grandkid for a walk. The young and the old, side by side. One is just starting out life, the other is almost ending it. Somewhere lies a dead bird, being taken apart by a host of ants. It probably flew a thousand miles in its lifetime. Elsewhere is a broken egg. That bird didn’t quite even make it into this world.

I can’t forget my past because...maybe I’m not meant to. Maybe like a tree, I’m a bit of the old and new, side by side. I’m a bit decay and a bit fresh life..all rolled into one. And that’s OKAY. It means like that tree and most of nature, i’m ALIVE. The advertising based on fears of imperfection perpetuated by an economic society intent on making a living through 5 million products I don’t actually need..is what i really need to forget. Because if i take a good look around me, in nature, are a million things that are hanging on to some form of the past.

And one fine day, just like you sometimes suddenly notice a tree that’s all fresh green leaves, you wake up and you’re not sad anymore..with no real clue as to what you were so depressed about. Or that struggle you’ve had for months..isn’t a struggle anymore. It all makes perfect sense in a flash of insight. And just like that, the past is gone..or more accurately, the past becomes irrelevant.

And that’s the real key..RELEVANCE. I think hanging onto the past consciously is a pursuit to find meaning. Somewhere inside me, I can let go of the actual events of the past..in fact, I have because it’s all over. What i really can’t let go of is the fact that i can’t understand the past..yet. The best way to move on from the past, is to accept it’s there..and to let go of trying to fathom it. Except..I feel like an idiot for not being able to solve the equation because i spent so many years in school being told i must know how to provide an answer.

NO. You don’t. This is LIFE. It’s not school and no one is grading you.. anymore. And if you feel you are being graded, then it’s time to either finally leave school..or take good walk outside in nature and realise you are part of a greater system than society.

We’re all a part of the natural world. And the last time i checked, nature has a lot of transitions going on.

Sight

The OWL represents wisdom..
and symbolizes the acute vision, to see in others,
and in situations that most of us do not see
❤¸.•*""*•.¸❤ ❤¸.•*""*•.¸❤ ❤¸.•*""*•.¸❤ ❤¸.•*""*•.¸❤

In the east..the Owl is seen as a sign of bad luck or bad omens. Living in Asia, I have seen owls from young..beautiful white ones in the still of the night..but i never felt afraid..their beauty sang to my soul. What joy to discover that in another part of the world..it is a totem animal of wisdom.

In my life..i have been blessed by globalisation..by meeting people from all over the world and receiving the Gift of Acceptance. Where once as a child much of what i felt and 'saw' with the eyes of my heart did not 'fit in' with the culture or society around me, and caused me to be much of a misfit in a thousand painful ways..as an adult..and especially through my real and virtual travels..i have come to see that i merely saw what was 'normal' in far away places and to far way people. I had acute vision to see what was FAR BEYOND..and while for many years that seemed almost a curse..when i SEE something different now..i know i am merely seeing something from another time and place..and that's okay, even if i'm the only one who can see it.
I am now FREE to revel in just being.. ME.


Keep the Faith..and the fLame in your heart burning.
In time..and holding on to LOVE...
you find that Life...really IS on your side all along
❤¸.•*""*•.¸❤ ❤¸.•*""*•.¸❤ ❤¸.•*""*•.¸❤ ❤¸.•*""*•.¸❤

Space for Darkness

If we go far enough into outer space..we see that the earth is both night and day at the very same time. It's then we realise that both night and day are ONE and the SAME..the difference merely a matter of timing and perception.

It helps to accept that pain has a place in this world. It helps to accept the sunset and give yourself freedom to receive comfort from some stars on moonless night. And if there is no moon, find a single candle. Anything that makes it OKAY to be in the dark for a while. For however long you need to, to heal.

Only - fight to stay AWARE that the Sun is STILL shining even though you can't see it.

Sometimes it takes a tornado to tear down what's already dilapitated..because we just won't move on to a safer, better home or make the necessary repairs and changes. But when a tornado happens and it's destroyed..we feel the pain, but almost a sense of relief even that it's finally over. THEN at last we have the reason to pick up and do what we needed to all along.

An oyster makes dirt into a pearl.
Our pain and darkness too - can be a seed for great Beauty and LoveShine.

Today - I allow myself UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE AND LOVE ♥


Originally posted on Facebook Fan Page on Wednesday 26 May 2010

Honouring Space for Pain

Taking in the laundry..a gecko rushed frantically away from me, as i reached for the sheet on the fencing. Poor soul..it didn't know i meant no harm. Anyone who knows me could tell that gecko, i would never deliberately harm. But perhaps it thought i may harm it by accident? I can't be sure.

All i do know is that gecko reminded me of so many people i have met in this lifetime..who shrink away from a meaningful encounter. From a relationship. From an opportunity. From a second chance. Because like that little panicked gecko..they are wary from memories of the past. Or avoiding the uncertainties of the future. Scarred by what has been and by imaginary could be's - they merely react. And never truly give themselves a chance to respond to what's contained in the NOW.

Yet just like i understood that gecko, i understand their panic. I am no longer hurt when another rejects me, or runs the other way. I understand now that it's never truly about me or against me. I need not feel hurt..not by a panicky gecko, not by a judgemental stranger, not by a distant friend nor an angry lover. Instead, now when someone runs away or rejects me..i see a gecko. I accept they have some form of pain. Accept that there is no need to judge them or myself. Accept that there is no need to become defensive..but to simply honour the other's need for time to heal and move on. I think this was one of the greatest acts of kindness given to me when i was a gecko not too long ago..and i am glad to now pass on the love.

Original post on Facebook Fan Page on Sunday, 22 August 2010

Where LOVE Roams Free

Why do people live with limits willingly? I always wonder why they choose the pain of being trapped rather than the pain of working towards their dreams. It's pain both ways after all. Isn't it more torture to be trapped? Or maybe the cage becomes a safety net..against the risk of disappointment. If you don't try then you can always imagine you could have..but if you try and fail? You don't even have the dream anymore.

It's the word FAIL that i see as the real cage. Is it true..that failure is not getting what we want, the way we wanted it? Or is it true that failure means you didn't get it at the pace others have set for you to attain their version of YOUR success? If it's YOUR dream..then how could anyone else understand it? And if they cannot fathom it, how could they ever be qualified to judge it..and deem it a success or not?

That you DARED to DREAM is success.
That you DARED to TRY is success.
That you DARED to take the WALK ..one step at a time..is success.
That you DARED to be TRUE to YOUR OWN HEART..is a success.
Most of all..
That you DARED to REJECT FEAR and JUDGEMENT..is the greatest success of all.

There is no failure..except one..that you stayed in a cage content to live with the sadness of being unable to use your wings.

But what if merely cherishing your dreams is what makes you happy after all?
What if living within limits becomes your comforter..and makes you secure and more able to love others?
Then i can see..

That to DARE to live WITHOUT NEEDING DREAMS TO COME TRUE...can be success,
BUT ONLY IF it is what fuels the love within you to flow freely to yourself and others.

For perhaps you are a Penguin or an Ostrich or a Kiwi bird..and need not actually fly at all.
Or perhaps like a pampered parakeet, you actually prefer your humble home and sing best in it.
So then, if limits, your 'cage' does not make you love less, or halt love from flowing freely from within you..
perhaps that is all your dreams are FOR..to stay a mere inspiring sunset upon the horizon.

For LOVE doesn't take count of HOW you let your love flow free..as long as it does.
And i would do well to emulate Love..and never again judge, what is the best path to freedom.
It would seem, as different as we all are..we have as many different ways of getting there..
where LOVE roams FREE.

Accept...then Act

Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if YOU HAD CHOSEN IT. Always WORK WITH IT, NOT against it. Make it your friend and ALLY, NOT your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life ~ E.Tolle

The Unity of Diversity

I noticed today a discussion where each person was putting forth a truth..a beautiful truth they had each discovered and in this discussion, there were so many various angles of the truth..that it almost seemed as if there was an invisible yet palpable, growing desire to find the 'actual' truth in everyone's truth..

Standing on the outside with the eyes of Acceptance open in my heart..i saw that it was actually amazing..all the valid disagreements and yet, all the unity and grace as everyone put forth their own view.

Isn't it amazing that there are so many perspectives of the same? So many different opinions of what truth is..

This is exactly why there are so many of us, all one Great Spirit and yet manifested as many unique soulprints..to bring diversity to this world as there are many colourful and diverse creatures in the sea.

The truth may just be that each of us sees a different angle of the same prism.. and each has to see only that angle for their unique placing in life's path And yet..one day we find another prism view, almost as if we are ready for it as it is ready for us..because we have evolved, our journey has brought us to a different landscape..

And so, all views could be true..for isn't that the true beauty of the Divine - it fits everyone beautifully and meets us right where our specific soul is?

Let Go and Dance

Sometimes when you've reached the end, you just need to LET GO. At some point, we realise that we really can't ever have control of anything and that life is a tune that plays regardless of our preference for the music. We just learn to stop trying to change the music, or staying off the dance floor in a sulk and start learning to dance instead. It's not giving in or giving up - it's accepting. Accepting isn't defeat. It's wisely adjusting your sails according to the wind so you keep moving forward.

It's a self-loving thing to do..to ALLOW ourselves to seem weak and accept what we don't want. Truth is, it takes far more courage to let go and accept, and then to grow and flourish despite the setbacks..

And eventually, you realise that you can dance quite well and that the music itself doesn't matter anymore. But the only way to get there is to get up and dance, regardless of the music.