Today, the Past is Beautiful

I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past. ~ Virginia Woolf 

I have learnt to live fully in my present and to not dwell in my past. Not even look back for lessons ... for what good is picking on a corpse? I don't believe in love autopsies. But if I am to be affirmingly honest with myself, I have to admit that I still find myself shuttling to and fro in my weeks between the past and present.

I no longer dwell so much on the past that it cripples my present. I no longer dwell on the past hoping it was different. I just tend to look back and FEEL myself back to the present. Just watch myself as I time-travel ... to a happier time with my mother, with my father. I often find myself in tears when I do come back. I miss them and the simple life they shared with me. But I almost never look back on things like births and past birthdays and anniversaries and Christmases no matter how wonderful they were. I've never understood that. Am I torturing myself by visiting what makes me cry with longing? So far, I have been kind to myself to just allow the journeys with no judgement. I tell myself that these 'trips' into the past must never impair my todays. And as long as I decide that consciously, they don't.

And then here comes Virginia Woolf to explain it all to me so simply and so completely. Of course! It is a CIRCLE I am trying to complete. These emotions I am time-travelling to, are incomplete emotions. Incomplete stories. And they had no avenue back then to ever become complete .. because it is only the passage of time and of loss even, of some sort of physical end that could ever create the ensuing emotional closure.

The truth is I am not given to melancholy as an illness. As a truth seeker, I simply must pursue the closure, I must 'close the circle' around the significant LiFe Moments in my journey here on earth. I am looking for beauty in my life you see. And as Virginia Woolf so aptly frees me with this truth:

I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past.

Suddenly, it makes complete sense why trips into my past no longer affect my todays. Because only today, is my past beautiful ~

i carry more of my parents with me today than i ever have, and yet ... i am also far more myself than i have ever been.
this is one of life's beautiful mysteries

The Weakness of Compassion ...

There was a time when i had too much Compassion... only I didn't realise it wasn't compassion, but weakness.

So many times i would say too much because i feel to much..i see what others can't and want too much to see them avoid pain. How utterly selfish i have been. In my pursuit to ensure their happiness, I was only seeking mine. For there is a great difference between playing one's role and just getting in the way of the Universe.

An acorn must die to grow an oak.. and a butterfly must push through the cocoon to be born balanced. I dishonour another soul and the Universe by thinking that I need to 'help' them along. I am only judging them to be incapable, and the circumstances surrounding them to be negative.

True Compassion is loving beyond notions of right and wrong. It is accepting that every heart has it's own compass and that Love is over all. And this is true strength..  for it takes trust, and faith and hope.. and a LoVe that is greater than Fear.

If i am ever needed, i will be asked .. and i will be there in a heartbeat ready to give my best in that moment. Until then, true Compassion is loving without judgement. I will never think that you are not free and that you need to be better. I only know to neither stand in your way, nor my own. And not standing in my own way, i will be more than ready and able.. should you ever call my name.

Then everything..everything becomes as it should be..and life becomes The Dance ~~ ♥ CT

The 4 Agreement's by Miguel Ruiz

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."

Ode to Shiloh

I made a postcard for my friend Leo Lemon of his cat Shiloh..
He framed it up (thank you Leo!)
and here is Shiloh - sitting proudly under his very own
"Ode to Shiloh"

TOOO precious
gorgeous kitty...i LOVE it ♥











Here's the postcard :)

Accept...then Act

Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if YOU HAD CHOSEN IT. Always WORK WITH IT, NOT against it. Make it your friend and ALLY, NOT your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life ~ E.Tolle