Truth .. is a Nightingale

I love chancing upon the truth. It rarely comes after careful study, or long pondering. No.

The truth is a lot like this little bird everyone knows exists, but only few claim to have seen.
A lot like the story of The Nightingale by Hans Christian Andersen. By the time they found it, the legend had outgrown the actual sight of the little humble bird. It was almost disappointing to see the dull brown creature. So plain, so simple. Nothing at all like all the fables spun about it. The poor nightingale was of course innocent of any misrepresentation of itself. And in actual fact, it was quite magnificent and was every bit the magical voice it was meant to be. The fault lay in all the expectations built around it ... and in the fact that people had framed an idea of what it was and should be long before they had actually met it.

And so it is with truth. I suppose this is why many cannot recognise it when it appears ... they are looking for something they have already decided will and should look, sound or feel this way or that. And all the while, it is standing there ... out in the open, completely baffled at all the people who it is equally seeking ... passing it by.

The truth ... is perhaps then, best received without any preconceived idea of what it should be. Instead, when one goes looking for the truth, it is useful to carry no expectations .. and a very open heart ~

Spring Cleaning

Spring cleaning. I'm spring cleaning. All the clothes my girls have outgrown are being reorganised and the littlest ones are being given away. I have no more little ones coming along to wear them. I keep some of the nicer ones and definitely some baby clothes that have too many precious memories attached. They have kept three of my infants protected and sometimes just plain pretty and i want to hold them when my girls will be too old for me to cuddle close to my heart.

It's so easy to spring clean children's clothes. They don't fit very well anymore in a highly visible manner. Not so easy to do the same for adult clothes and for the items in my home that never expand or shrink in size to make them a physical misfit.

Which makes me wonder, how much have i outgrown? And more importantly, how much of them are still lurking around me? If i could put them on, like a child putting on a shrunken sweater, wouldn't i look rather ridiculous? Uncomfortable at the very least.

So i decide to go through everything - photographs, clothes, books, paintings, appliances, letters, cards, shoes, cutlery. EVERYTHING.

And as i go through it all, i find myself walking down memory lane for each thing i hold - something i didn't want but had to take, something i really wanted but ended up having a fight about, something i thought i liked but hardly ever used, something i really really don't want to be near because i really can't stand THAT memory. So much of me is in all these items, but not necessarily a good side of me. And that's when i realise that i have outgrown my weak moments, bad memories, mistakes, failures and even regrets. And all the things that have some form of connection or symbolism, even in the most minute way, to any of these negativities that i have outgrown - i must let go off and i put them away gladly.

Some items in my pile are items i have had fond memories of and have a tough time saying goodbye to. Much like a favourite dress my daughter can no longer wear and passes on to her younger sibling with a sigh. I have to part ways with them simply because they are no longer relevant where i am heading to from this point on. So i say 'thank you' and put them away with resolution.

And when the time comes to finally and permanently remove these items from my home, i find a great space left in my closet, on my shelves, in my rooms. But most of all in my heart.

My heart is lighter. Very much lighter.

I think it's the relief of putting the negative trophies of my past permanently behind me.

I think it's also the excitement of having gained the freedom in my life for many new possibilities - within and without.

But most of all, it's finding myself, at last, living completely in my NOW and along with this powerful change, all the space i need to usher in a fresh season of my life.

Loving Boundaries

I get very drained by relationships where i cannot be genuine and authentic. So in order to love well the people who do matter to me, i need to let go of those who drain me of my ability to be true to myself. They may not understand why i need to let go, but i send them love and peace that someday they will understand in their heart that my choice was never against them, but because i am being honest with my own limited capabilities in that relationship. I cannot love halfway. It is all or nothing. To love halfway in any relationship would dilute my ability to give all and well in another.

That's just the way i was made. I do no one a service by going against it.