The Power of Letting Go

It appears to me that men get lost in the roles they play competing with one another in their quest to succeed and gain personal worth. Women on the other hand seem to get lost in the roles we play in the relationships we build, in our equally important quest to find personal value.

In either case, getting lost in our roles and finding our identity in them is perhaps what makes us feel so empty in the end. Roles are jobs. Categorised tasks. I wonder why we think our worth is tied to how well we perform these categorised tasks.

My heart does not rejoice when a friend or lover can carry out their job to perfection. My heart rejoices when someone cries with me, when they laugh wholeheartedly or throw me off balance with their gentle touch on my shoulder or squeeze of my hand.

These are not categorised tasks and are basic to every soul. It's why people love babies who, hopeless to perform any job well, are still experts at just living in the moment and by loving intuition. They watch ants crawl by with fascination and reach out to grab your nose without thinking too much about whether it's accepted protocol. They live from their heart every waking moment. It's all they know. To just be, because they haven't yet fallen to the pressure of doing anything to be a success, and to be accepted.

So i come back to me. And all my roles and tasks that i start off doing with love, with passion and then it all fizzles out. I find myself exhausted from the giving, from the routine, from the constant juggling. And every relationship i build to break away from the humdrum seems to eventually add to the miles i need to walk. Men go from Hero to Zero. Women i guess go from Goddess to Grumps.

I need to let go and just be. I am after all called a Human BEing and not a Human DOing. But sometimes that only happens when i actually break down. I don't enjoy breaking down though. As cleansing as it can prove to be, i would like to learn to walk on an open path towards light and not always through a dark tunnel.

I think when a Goddess realises she CANNOT anymore, it is not weakness. It is wiseness.It is how she can continue to gain power to remain a Goddess while other women keep going believing they are one and break down ♥

When i forget who i AM

and find myself continously

mothering

partnering

homemaking

one task after another

one thought after another

and i find that i can no longer even choose

to pause and breathe

without a conscious effort

then i have lost myself in the roles i play daily

and i need to quit

and just

ENJOY

I will rejuvenate the waters of my soul

just watching grass bend over while a breeze blows by

knowing at that moment my spirit

is in that blade of grass

the same spirit in the wind

seeing the truth

that i am more than the sum of my parts

and to rest from all i have to do

is not weakness

and is not escape

but a return

to all

i am

truly

meant to be.

Hope and Affirmation

Hope is the willingness to stay and wait for rain in a part of the desert where everyone else has left for greener pastures. It is believing that - despite everyone's else skepticism, criticism and disbelief - the God who made the desert and allowed the draught will eventually also send showers.

But hope is also behind the ability to leave the desert, believing that there are greener pastures and not only deserts even though that's all that meets the eye for now, and that God will guide them to it.

So what is hopelessness then? I see it as those who debate and argue about whether to stay or leave the desert and take it to the damaging step of discouraging both those who have chosen to stay or leave by casting doubts rather than affirmations.

Which is why i have learnt to value affirmation and encouragement above all else in human relationships. If i do not have 5 people around me whom i can affirm and be affirmed by at any one time, I make every effort to find them. It's the only way i can live a continued Life of Love.

Baring It All

I stumbled upon this poem today. It is so vivid, the way the poet paints a picture of how to bare our emotions and souls. Who hasn't had vulnerabilities and complexities in a romantic relationship? I certainly have and can completely relate to this masterpiece and it's message about the freedom to love again...

Emotinal Nudity by Danyel Hunte Fludd

Take your soft and loving hands and
Remove the mantle of mistrust from my shoulders.
Softly unbutton the silken gown
Of regret from my skin.

Come my love and remove the veil
Of heartache from my face and
Kiss these lips that were ordained only for you.

Confiscate the jewels of deception from
My arms neck and ears-discard my fears.

Feel the fabric of the chemise
Of my misgivings and set me free from it..

Kiss my naked shoulders honeyed with newfound faith
Liberated from doubt and the threat of neglect and obscurity.

My darling go further south and
Remove the thongs of this world's
Hatred and prejudice from my hips and slide
Them slowly down to the floor where they can be no more.

Undress me until I am stripped bare of
The world's evil and tainted essence until like
The day of my birth, I emerge beautiful untouched- unpoisoned.

Let this nude son and daughter of Adam & Eve stand
Before you liberated from the negative-
Pure and positive and free to melt into your loving embrace.

"Fear wraps our bodies in clothing--Love allows us to stand Naked" ~ Neale Donald Walsch

Spring Cleaning

Spring cleaning. I'm spring cleaning. All the clothes my girls have outgrown are being reorganised and the littlest ones are being given away. I have no more little ones coming along to wear them. I keep some of the nicer ones and definitely some baby clothes that have too many precious memories attached. They have kept three of my infants protected and sometimes just plain pretty and i want to hold them when my girls will be too old for me to cuddle close to my heart.

It's so easy to spring clean children's clothes. They don't fit very well anymore in a highly visible manner. Not so easy to do the same for adult clothes and for the items in my home that never expand or shrink in size to make them a physical misfit.

Which makes me wonder, how much have i outgrown? And more importantly, how much of them are still lurking around me? If i could put them on, like a child putting on a shrunken sweater, wouldn't i look rather ridiculous? Uncomfortable at the very least.

So i decide to go through everything - photographs, clothes, books, paintings, appliances, letters, cards, shoes, cutlery. EVERYTHING.

And as i go through it all, i find myself walking down memory lane for each thing i hold - something i didn't want but had to take, something i really wanted but ended up having a fight about, something i thought i liked but hardly ever used, something i really really don't want to be near because i really can't stand THAT memory. So much of me is in all these items, but not necessarily a good side of me. And that's when i realise that i have outgrown my weak moments, bad memories, mistakes, failures and even regrets. And all the things that have some form of connection or symbolism, even in the most minute way, to any of these negativities that i have outgrown - i must let go off and i put them away gladly.

Some items in my pile are items i have had fond memories of and have a tough time saying goodbye to. Much like a favourite dress my daughter can no longer wear and passes on to her younger sibling with a sigh. I have to part ways with them simply because they are no longer relevant where i am heading to from this point on. So i say 'thank you' and put them away with resolution.

And when the time comes to finally and permanently remove these items from my home, i find a great space left in my closet, on my shelves, in my rooms. But most of all in my heart.

My heart is lighter. Very much lighter.

I think it's the relief of putting the negative trophies of my past permanently behind me.

I think it's also the excitement of having gained the freedom in my life for many new possibilities - within and without.

But most of all, it's finding myself, at last, living completely in my NOW and along with this powerful change, all the space i need to usher in a fresh season of my life.

Off Days

Some days, i feel quite empty. I know i can write, i could talk to someone, i could read , i could even watch an interesting movie..but i don't. For some reason, i just feel far too distant, or too drained to do any of them, and instead i do... laundry. I sweep the floor, wipe the counter top and put away the dishes.

I get on facebook and i go blank. So many people around me and yet i feel...lonely.

All the people, places, things... they all become an overwhelming conglomerate of needs and feelings and mish-mashed energy sources and drains.

These are days i think that my heart is warring with my mind and I'm not taking sides.

These are days when it's someone outside of me - a friend,a lover, a stranger even - touches my heart and then suddenly the balance shifts. A smile, a picture, an affirmation or just plain being in the presence of someone else who is following their heart frees me to feel again. My heart wins, and my mind surrenders it's programmed hold on me.

This is the human touch. The power of LOVE.

It is the reason why i need to stay connected to the people and the world around me, if only for the days when i lose touch with myself. But i think also, to be available for the days when those around me get derailed and need help with their heart-mind battles too.